Sometimes we spend so much time and effort into our work or passions, being a student, a coder, a software engineer, a dancer, a musician, that we stop knowing who we are outside of that.
“I think as a musician, sometimes you spend too long and put too much effort into an album. It’s been like two years and some of the songs we’re going to put in that album, I wrote them three or four years ago.” – Firdhaus
When Your Story Becomes Your Cage
Narrative identity theory (Dan McAdams) helps explain this tension: we make meaning of our lives through the stories we tell about ourselves. So for years, if we keep telling ourselves “I am only this passion/job,” we build an identity that has no room for anything else.
But what happens when you finish the work, like Firdhaus releasing his album, and suddenly the thing that defined you is completed?
“Who am I now that this is done?”
Or the work doesn’t go the way you planned, a performance doesn’t go exactly as you hoped, a project fails, or the career progression you are hoping gets delayed. When we tie our entire identity to a single role or pursuit, these experiences can translate to feelings like “I am a failure” rather than “I failed at this particular thing”.
The Sunk Cost of Being “Only” Something
If you couldn’t do what you have planned to do or love doing now, would your world crumble?
‘Sunk cost effect’ is a term psychologist use to explain why it’s harder to seperate yourself from the things you have invested a lot into. When the years of training and building something becomes your entire sense of self, letting go may feel like losing your identity.
The idea is not to care less about your work or passion but to build an identify spacious enough to contain more than one thing. It’s about having a bigger view of yourself and allowing other people in.
That could look like being there for a friend, moving into new circles of friends or trying out new hobbies, if not a whole new career altogether.
“I’m just really excited for people to listen to the album.”
When Firdhaus let go of his own expectations, he understood that he is more than the music that he makes.
And just like Firdhaus, the person that you have built is far more than that title and certificate. Look deeper within yourself and be defined by your personal strengths, your resilience, discipline, creativity, or compassion. This is who you are, and not the job or output.
Read more here:
Lady Gaga: Mayhem of who you really are
Laufey on embracing your uniqueness
Images taken from lifestyle asia and wikipedia
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