Hate is a strong negative feeling against a person or object of that feeling.
What causes hate?
(1) Physiological and psychological response
According to Assistant Prof Marsden at Beacon College, dislike for a person is linked to the fight and flight response and fear. When we see someone who is different, the amygdala in our brain is triggered. This is where the fight and flight response is seated and automatically our defenses are up.
Negative feelings and fear is reinforced when that person does something that is perceived to be harmful and hurtful to us. When such negative prejudices are not clarified or when more negative experiences build up, hate sets in as a reaction to protect ourselves from perceived threat. Hence, deep dislike and hate is often linked to the fear of the unknown.
(2) Personal experiences and self-concept
Hate is based on the perception of the hated person and hence reflective of our own personality, ideas, beliefs about ourselves and others. Sometimes, hate is a response to our self-concept and secondary emotions such as jealousy, failure, guilt and embarrassment.
When another person is perceived as a threat, our mind devalue that person in order to protect our own self-esteem.
When the feelings of hate is not challenged and dealt with, overtime they become automatic thoughts, entrenched prejudices playing out in discriminatory actions.
(3) Social Reinforcement
In-group and Out-groups
- When people in our click, our relations and friends are hurt by an outsider or someone who is perceived as different, we will empathize more than someone who is not in our circle of relations.
- When we do not have any knowledge and interaction with the hated person, we fall into confirmation bias. We will automatically choose to focus on what we want to see in order to support our existing belief about that hated person.
Believe in a Just World
- The Just World belief is the idea that the world is a fair place and that justice is done such that people get what they deserve.
- When a person becomes a victim of hate even without clear evidence, observers will reinforce their belief in a just world by choosing to believe that the person deserves that hate.
What to do about Haters
(1) Understand the hater
- Find out their past and what could have caused them to develop such strong negative belief.
- Often the past and their belief about themselves will influence their personhood and their self-concept. Are they hating to protect their own self-esteem or avoiding negative feelings about themselves.
- A narrow and skewed perception of themselves, others and the world often lead to strong fixated thoughts and prejudices.
(2) Physical Safety
- Avoid confronting haters or meeting up with them to settle scores. Stay away from them to keep yourself physically safe. By avoiding them you are not accepting defeat but recognising that their biased thoughts can translate into harmful actions against you.
- Stay calm if you have to engage with them. Like typical bullies, their actions and words are often to intimidate you so that you will respond. Your response only helps to reinforce their prejudices about you.
- Refrain from appeasing your haters. Do not succumb to blackmail and doing the things that they want you to.
(3) Emotional Safety
- Don’t believe in what they hater’s say about you. Don’t allow their words to become a negative self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself. Check any distorted thoughts that you may have about yourself.
- Detach yourself emotionally from the haters. Find ways to cut off all communication with them and surround yourself with people who believe in you and can support you.
- Love yourself. Build up your self-esteem and confidence about who you are and what you stand for.
