“If I can’t keep them with me… then no one can.”
In Mobile Legends: Bang Bang, Hirara’s story begins with gratitude.
After Hanabi saves her life, Hirara finds someone she deeply admires, someone she wants to protect and remain by forever. But as fear of losing Hanabi grows, that admiration slowly transforms into obsession. She begins to believe that the only way to preserve something beautiful is to possess it before it can disappear.
Her love no longer asks, “What would make Hanabi happy?”
Instead, it became, “How do I stop myself from losing her?”
When admiration becomes identity
Looking up to someone isn’t unhealthy.
Role models, close friendships, and relationships can inspire us to become better versions of ourselves. But psychology suggests that problems arise when another person slowly becomes the center of our identity. This is known as identity fusion: when the boundary between “me” and “them” begins to blur. Instead of seeing ourselves as individuals with our own dreams, values, and purpose, our sense of self becomes dependent on someone else.
For Hirara, protecting Hanabi gradually becomes her entire reason for living.
Love shouldn’t cost you yourself
Psychologists also describe healthy relationships using the concept of self-differentiation. This means being able to love and care deeply for someone while still maintaining your own identity.
Healthy relationships allow two people to grow together.
Unhealthy ones make one person disappear into the other.
Many young people experience this without realizing it. A friendship, relationship, or even admiration for someone can become so important that their approval begins determining our self-worth. We stop asking ourselves what we want and instead shape our lives around keeping the other person close.
Psychologists use the term limerence to describe an intense, involuntary state of romantic or emotional obsession. People experiencing limerence often become preoccupied with the other person, constantly seeking closeness, reassurance, or signs that their feelings are reciprocated. Over time, their emotional well-being can become increasingly dependent on that relationship.
Caring isn’t controlling
Hirara’s fear of losing someone she loves slowly overshadowed the very person she was trying to protect. When love becomes driven by fear, we can unintentionally stop seeing the other person’s wishes, replacing them with our own desire to keep them near. In psychology, this resembles idealisation, where our attachment becomes focused on preserving what someone represents to us rather than respecting who they are as an individual.
The people we love should become part of our lives—not our entire lives. Healthy love doesn’t ask us to lose ourselves to keep someone close. It encourages both people to grow, dream, and choose one another freely, because the strongest relationships aren’t built on possession but on two whole people walking side by side.
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